Made it through the first week unscathed.. and more than a little tired.

One week old today!

Derek's doing good in general. He had a really rough start on breastfeeding. It took 4 nurses and 2 nursing specialists to get him to start and even then he wasn't doing well at it. They all said he would catch on and that there wasn't anything I was doing wrong that was preventing him from nursing, but it still felt for a long time like it had to be something the matter with me. That's probably just my post-partum depression talking though. It's gotten pretty bad. The doctor even put me on Zoloft to try to help just cause I cry all the time these days. Please pray for my emotions to even out. I'm going to start seeing a councilor weekly and take vit D pills to hopefully fix this herbally and mentally so I can get off the anti-depressants as soon as possible. All the doctors and nurses keep telling me that this is completely normal and that most women go through this. My sister who's studying to be a councilor even said that psychologists count women who have been on Zoloft for post-partum as never having been on anti-depressants because it's so common, but still it feels like I'm alone in this. But that's also a pretty normal feeling for a depressed person.

But like I said Derek's doing good. He's getting better with feedings and has started putting weight back on from that initial drop after birth. He's starting to actually have periods of time where he's just awake and looking around and getting to know his surroundings and not only waking up when he's hungry, which is obviously what he did for a while. He has the prettiest eyes ever. I wish they photographed better though.

Tomorrow (day 8 in his life as per God's guidelines) Derek is going in for his circumcision. Please pray for swift healing for the lil guy. I hate knowing that he's gonna be in pain and that in a way I'm the one causing it.

Well, Derek's waking up and it's about time to feed him, so I've got to go.

I know it's not the best view.. but he's a very active lil guy :)

October 23

Ok so for those of you who still read this and will be in town, my Baby Shower is planned for Sunday, Oct 23 after church in my parent's Sunday School room. It's a potluck style lunch. I don't have much more information than that since it's been graciously planned for me by a lady from our church. But I'm sure I can get more info if needed.

Oh oww oww OWW!

Ok so no one warned me that being prego could throw your back out THIS badly. I was in pain for 3 days straight before I could get to a chiropractor. Finally got to go today, and 2 hours after the adjustment I was in pain again. Went back and my back was out again! 2 hours later, my back was starting to hurt again. We changed which chair I was in and now a different section of my back hurts.Seriously???? This sucks... bad.

Something New Every Day

So Derek just threw his first fit. He's been breach this whole time, which means that a 10 inch baby not counting the legs managed to curl himself up in my cervix. Well now he's out grown that particular spot and had to move. Tonight i started feeling what felt like him rolling over like we would when we sleep. Then he rolled back. And again and again. And it got a little higher each time. Then in what I can only describe as a temper tantrum, he began kicking so hard that I could actually see my stomach moving. He's settled down but every now and then I feel him trying to squeeze back in there.

23 weeks

I wanted to be a hard body, not have a hard body...

Ever seen the movie "Hard Bodies"? The term Hard Body refers to a "hot" girl. A girl who has a flat stomach and big breasts. That's what I wanted. I guess I should have been more specific. Because I got a hard body (aka one with a baby inside) instead of being a Hard Body. Cosmic humour, huh? Not that I'm complaining. In many ways Derek is way better than having a hot body, but still it's a little ironic.

What's that saying? If you wanna hear God laugh, just tell him your plans? Cause lately it seems like I've been saying, "Here God, I've written down my plan. Oh, is that a big pink eraser you've got there?" Kinda been feeling like my life is spinning out of control. I know I'm not supposed to be in control, that's God's job, but I'm not the type who likes to feel lost. My parents can attest to that!

Went in for another ultrasound today. They were able to get the rest of the measurements they needed. Plus they took some 3D pics of the baby. Lil Derek is so cute!!

Womb with a view

So I got my ultrasound today.. the baby was very, very uncooperative. And apparently breach.. But finally HE decided to show himself! For those of you who know what to look for, I've included a pic of the baby's face. For those of you with no idea what they're looking at, think of this as an inkblot test.. you get to see whatever you want.

Tomorrow.. tomorrow.. I'll love you tomorrow..

Ok so yes, I already love the baby.. but tomorrow is a special day! Tomorrow morning at 8 (waaaaaay too early btw) I will be at the hospital for the official 20 week ultrasound and by the end of the day I should be announcing the gender of the lil Lima Bean.

Lost weight and this is bad for once....

Ok so this is probably the only time in my life when I'll say this, but why in the world am I still not putting on weight. Not only am I not putting on weight but I seem to be losing weight! That can't be good for the baby. I've tried everything! I thought it was just cause of the morning sickness that I was losing weight, but I haven't had any in weeks and I now weigh 6 lbs less than I did before I got pregnant! I eat constantly! I don't get it! It's like all of a sudden I have Michele's metabolism or something! In a normal situation I'd be thrilled that I'm losing weight and not having to work at it, but with a baby now the size of my hand growing inside me, I'm more than a little worried about this..

My mum swears she sees a change in the prego belly. I still don't see it.

Oh... baby's awake!

In the last week it's gone from "every now and then I can feel the baby move" to "the baby keeps me up at night". Two nights ago just after everyone else fell asleep, I rolled over and then realized "oh the baby moved!" and then it moved again and again. I actually laid awake for a good 20 minutes just feeling the baby kicking. It was pretty amazing.

So I realized today that it's been almost a month since I've heard from the babydaddy. It's an odd mixture of feelings caught between relief at not having had to deal with him, hope of this lasting, and fear because I know eventually it will have to end and I'll have to deal with him. Part of me hopes he'll just let this go, but most of me knows that he won't. Asking for prayers for things to go smoothly with him when the time finally comes to talk again. One thing's for sure though, if he thinks he'll be anywhere near that delivery room when the baby comes, he is sadly mistaken.

On another note, I thought I'd post a pic of what little baby bump I've gotten.

Baby Morphings

So I found this website that allows me to morph pictures of the father with pictures of me to get an idea of what the baby might look like and since I'm an impatient person I went ahead and did it and thought I'd post the results..

12 weeks down 28 to go...

So 12 weeks along on monday. End of the first trimester. Out of the frying pan and into the.. um.. well I’m gonna say into another frying pan since it doesn’t feel like anything is changing. I’m still not showing, I’m still emotional enough to drown myself in tears then go rip someone’s head off, and I still get sick almost everyday. And you know what? I’ve decided that I’m gonna kill the person who named it “morning sickness”.. it makes people think that it only happens in the morning and makes them doubt the validity of me being sick in the evenings, even when I’m bent over the toilet. I’m pretty sure one of these days I’m going to puke up a vital organ. Point being I’m not entirely sure I see any difference between the first trimester and the second. But I’m really hoping to see some sort of change really, REALLY soon.

Beginning

Here it is folks. My blog chronicling the coming months of pregnancy and the growth of my child. It's not fancy, but it's what I've got.

First of all, let's clear things up. I'm going to be straight with you. A while ago I fell into sin and started sleeping with my boyfriend. We soon discussed having a child. Very soon after that I realized that was not a good idea so early in the relationship. But at that point it was too late. All it takes is once, right? Well that's all it took for us. When the doctor told me I was pregnant everything changed. I knew I had to give up drinking and smoking and become responsible. Apparently the father had no intention of doing so. Soon after finding out he was going to be a father, he got drunk and I got scared and mad and ran home. Once back in my parents house I prayed for the first time in a while and everything clicked. I knew I had to get out of that lifestyle. I continued to try to work thing out with the father, giving him chance after chance and all he did was prove that even at 30 some people will always be a child. How can a child raise a child? So the Lima Bean and I are on our own, but we're not alone. Lucky for us, I have an amazing support system in my parents, my siblings, my friends, my extended family, and most importantly in God.